


Huge Ego

by eightprince



Category: B.A.P
Genre: Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-03
Updated: 2017-08-03
Packaged: 2018-12-10 18:23:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11697306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eightprince/pseuds/eightprince
Summary: in which Youngjae has a really big...ego





	Huge Ego

You see, Youngjae hates this guy in particular. Like, he really hates this guy's guts. This guy, whose name really isn't important at the moment, only pretends to be nice to people.

Does this guy think that Youngjae won't notice? Youngjae sees everything and everyone.

This guy looks down at him like he's trash or something. Like how people pick off the pizza toppings that they don't like (ahem, pineapples).

You see, Youngjae really hates this popular guy. He only talks about stuff that's trending, right now, at this exact moment. He talks about them like he's some kind of expert, even though he's really flaky.

He's so shallow.

So shallow.

Shallow, shallow, shallow.

Youngjae, on the other hand, is different. He's really cool and super unique. He’s way better than that guy. Also, he's like, really big.

Like, super big.

Youngjae's not like that guy, because he's over fifty meters tall. Nobody else is fifty meters tall. That's what makes him really cool and unique (he guesses).

He doesn't really know how or why he's this big, and it's not like he woke up one day and could suddenly reach up and touch the clouds.

It's kind of a gradual thing. He got bigger and bigger over time, just like his ego.

He keeps telling himself that he's not like the other guy (mainly because he's literally over fifty meters tall).

However! However!

However, however, however!

Ah, Youngjae wants to be loved. He just really wants to be loved, way more than that other guy!

He's gotten this big, so that means that people have to pay attention to him, right?

Come on, look at me! I'm right here!

Ah, Youngjae wants to be praised. He really wants to be praised for trivial things, like being able to tie his shoes and stuff like that, or being really good looking. He’s very attractive for a giant, but nobody looks at him.

He knows what he's doing.

In order to get the love and praise that he desperately wants, he'll just have to do the same thing the other guy did to him and crush him like the trash under his feet.

...Right?

No, please don't.

You see, if you didn't know this already, Youngjae really hates humans, even though he is one himself. Humans aren't usually as big as he is, but, you know.

They travel in packs, they flock together like birds, minding each other's moods, but they completely ignore him, as if he's invisible.

One time, Youngjae climbed on top of the tallest building in the city, begging for people to look up at him. Unfortunately, the tippy top of the tower couldn't support his grip on it. It broke, and he fell right back down to the asphalt.

That day, he learned that he'll never do that again. Also, there's a huge buttcheek shaped crack in the middle of the street. People act like they don't know where it came from.

Youngjae's different from most people, mainly because he's literally bigger than most people. He's got his own ego, too. He doesn't need to fuel off other people's. He needs to fuel his own.

He's not some kind of side character or whatever.

Come on! Right here!

Look! Over! Here!

Ah, Youngjae really needs a hug or some sort of affection. He wants to be loved, more than anyone and anything.

He's gotten this big, and he won't let people ignore him anymore. It stresses him out. But is it not enough? Does he need to get bigger?

Can he even do that?

He wants praise, he wants people to tell him that he's cool and stuff. It's never enough when he tells himself that he's cool.

He's so special and whatever, but people don't seem to care. He's got to make himself look more "understood".

He hates his huge ego. 

He hates it! Hate!

It's so big. 

He hates humans. All except one.

It's hot and humid outside, and it's like Youngjae's melting like an ice cream cone. He spends his day sitting in the same spot, behind an apartment building, waiting for someone to notice him.

He picks different spots of the city to sit in. He sat in the middle of the street (where the buttcheek shaped crack is) for a good week, watching people walk past him and continue with their day.

Throughout that week, his ego grew bigger, which made him grow bigger. 

He's not noisy, either. He just sits there with his knees tucked into his chest and watches people. He made a baby cry once. That didn't fuel his ego at all. 

He lets out a small sigh, making sure that nothing gets blown away, and waits patiently.

He watches the birds fly by (some of them hit him in his face, but that doesn't bother him anymore), he watches the sky turn different colors as the day goes on.

There's a small pair of eyes staring at him through a sliding door window, and it makes him a little uncomfortable, even though this is exactly what he wanted.

He stares right back at them, a small, gentle smile creeping up on his lips.

The person in the window flinches when Youngjae looks back at them. His face immediately sinks.

The person struggles to slide the door open, but he does, and he's mesmerized by Youngjae.

"How long have you been sitting there?" He asks, walking out onto the balcony.

"Huh?" Youngjae squints.

"I said how long have you been sitting there?"

"I can't hear you. Please speak up."

"I said--wait, hold on," the person holds up his pointer finger, signaling Youngjae to wait a minute, "I'll be right back!"

With that, the person closes the sliding door again, and Youngjae waits anxiously for his return.

The person rushes outside to meet Youngjae again. He stops and stares up at him, his mouth making a small "o" shape.

"How long have you been here?" He asks once again.

"I still can't hear you--hold on," Youngjae holds his hand down onto the ground for the person to stand on.

The person stares at his hand, and back at him.

"Climb on," Youngjae says.

The person blinks and pokes Youngjae's hand with his tiny regular sized finger. Youngjae barely felt it.

He climbs on Youngjae's hand, and Youngjae brings his hand closer to his face.

"Okay, how long have you been here?" The person asks again, making sure to speak loudly and clearly.

"A few days," Youngjae replies, softly, so he won't scare him.

"I always thought you were some kind of statue," the person explains, "Like, I've seen you around, but you never moved. But you're actually a person."

Youngjae nods.

"You're like, really big."

Youngjae nods again, "Yeah. I'm really big."

"How big are you?"

"At least fifty meters."

"Ooh, do you get bigger?" The person has a sparkle in his eyes, "What's your name? What do you do? How come your clothes fit you?"

He's bombarding Youngjae with questions, and it makes him really happy.

"My name is Youngjae," Youngjae smiles awkwardly, "I don't do anything except sit and watch people and hope they notice me. I don't know how my clothes fit me, but I'm glad that they do. I wouldn’t want to sit here naked."

"That's so cool. You're cool," the person smiles, "I'm Himchan, and I have a shitty retail job."

"Well, humans have to make money somehow, right?"

"I guess," Himchan shrugs, "Do people not notice you or something?"

Youngjae lets out a heavy sigh, "Nope. I'm only this big because of my ego."

"Are you like, a narcissist or something?"

"I don't think so...people didn't notice me when I was smaller, so I just got bigger and bigger, just like my ego, and here we are."

He hates it, Youngjae really hates it. His ego's huge, but people wouldn't look at him. He stopped caring. He stopped thinking about if people wondered if he had common sense or not.

In order to be noticed, you have to be extraordinary. Everyone knows that. Youngjae doesn't really do anything except sit there and make babies cry. At least babies acknowledge his existence.

He's special and he's cool. It's not his fault that babies cry when they look at him, right? Babies are just dumb.

But...but...

That's cool...but...

"Hey, can I tell you something?"

Himchan looks up from admiring the little lines in Youngjae's hands, "Uh, yeah. Go ahead."

"This is going to be really weird..."

"I'm listening."

"Okay. I really want to be loved and praised, right? But I also really want to be forgiven."

"Forgiven? For what?" Himchan snorts, "What did you kill someone?"

Youngjae shakes his head, "I just. I feel alone sometimes, you know? And I've gotten this big, and...you know..." his voice trails off. 

As much as he wants to cry, he can't, for the safety of Himchan and the rest of the people who live here. Flooding isn't very fun.

You see...you see...that's cool, but please listen...

"I want to be loved," he says, after a short pause, "I really want to be loved. More than anyone else. That isn't selfish, is it? As you can see, I've gotten this big, and I'll probably get bigger. I don't know what to do anymore."

Himchan blinks. He feels really bad, but he doesn't know how to comfort a giant. Nobody really does.

"I forgive you," he says.

"Huh?"

"I forgive you," Himchan repeats with a smile, "I don't understand why people still ignore you when when you can touch the sky, but I'll be more than happy to talk to you when I'm not busy."

"Really?" Youngjae's face lights up, "Like, really? You mean it? Don't play with my feelings like that if you didn’t mean it--"

"I meant it. Also, you don't really go anywhere, and if you do, it won't be hard to find you because you're so big."

"You mean it, right?"

"I mean it," Himchan's eye dimple appears when he smiles, and Youngjae's heart skips a beat.

He hasn't been this happy in a long, long time. He kind of forgot how it felt to truly be happy, since all he's been tasting for the past few months is bitterness with a hint of depression.

"I'm really happy," he says, "You made me so happy."

"I'm glad I can make people happy," Himchan reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone, "even at 11:30 at night."

"Ah, I'm so happy, I could just--just scream, you know?"

"Oh, Jesus, I'd rather you not do that,” Himchan chuckles uneasily, “ You'll wake up the whole planet."

"I won't, I won't," Youngjae pauses to let out a breathy giggle, "You just made me really happy."

Youngjae can't do much to express how happy he is without killing someone. That bums him out a little, but he's still really happy. 

"I have so much to talk about," he says, "Like about things that I see. And dogs. Ooh, I love dogs."

"Did you get to pet one?" Himchan asks, stretching his arms out. It's late, and he's tired. 

"Oh, no. They're too little. But a dog as big as I am would do the world some justice."

"Until it pees everywhere and floods a city."

"...Oh. That’s true.”

"Speaking of which, do you pee? Do you--"

"No," Youngjae responses quickly as his face starts to burn red with embarrassment, "I don't."

"I feel bad for your kidneys."

"My kidneys are fine," Youngjae huffs, "I'm still alive and kicking, aren't I?"

"I suppose so. Also, what do you do when it rains?”

“I just...sit.”

“What if it’s raining really bad? Or if it snows?”

“I sit,” Youngjae shrugs, “Rain never really bothered me.”

“Hmm.”

Himchan's visibly tired, Youngjae can see it, and it bums him out just a little more. He's gotten clingy with him already.

"I'll, uh, let you sleep now," he says, setting his hand down onto the ground, "I don't want to bother you anymore..."

"You're not bothering me," Himchan practically yells so Youngjae can hear him, "I'm just really! Tired!"

"Yeah, I know. Sorry."

"It's okay!" Himchan smiles sleepily, "I'll talk to you tomorrow when I get home!"

Youngjae smiles back, "Tomorrow. Okay."

"I won't forget!" Himchan's waving at him as he walks off his hand and walks back into the building.

"I trust you. I hope you sleep well."

"You too! If you, uh, sleep anyway!"

Youngjae's alone again. He hates being alone, but Himchan said he'll be back tomorrow. As much as he wants to believe him, his ego will get the best of him. 

He tucks his knees into his chest, as he can feel himself getting bigger. He can't really explain what it feels like. It's like a tingling sensation all over his body. Kind of like growing pains that children get when they’re getting taller.

Maybe exactly like growing pains, but he's pretty sure him getting bigger is just his bones doing some freaky shit. It still hurts. Like, a lot. He thought he got used to the pain, but he obviously hasn't.

Small whines leave his lips as he stretches his limbs out to the best of his ability. This really sucks.

He hates his ego. It's getting too big for him to handle.

\---

Youngjae woke up in an awkward position. He was trying to get rid of the pain in his legs, but now it hurts all over. Great.

His legs, his back, his face because of the way he slept on it, his chest, it all hurts. He stands to his feet to stretch. He can see the whole city (and more) from here, and that’s kind of cool. He's tempted to flick this building and watch it fall over like a domino.

But that would be kind of bad. Worse than the time he fell off the one building. As much as he told himself he wouldn't do it again, he'll do it again someday. 

He carefully sits back in his spot and waits for Himchan to come back. It's not like Himchan can avoid him, so maybe he really meant it. 

Like usual, cars go by, people are minding their own business, there's a baby crying, he's pretty sure a stray dog peed on him, but he's not mad. Dogs are the cutest.

He flicks a utility pole with his pointer finger and his thumb until the utility pole "fights back" and sends waves of electricity into his fingers.

"Shit," he winces and cocks his arm back as a reflex. Punching the utility pole would result in it falling over, which means loss of power and property damage. It's not really worth it.

He drops his arm and sighs, leaning back on the tree he usually leans on. He named it Deborah the day he moved to this spot, and he talks to it to kill time.

"Deborah, do you think Himchan'll come back to talk to me?" He asks, as if the tree would reply back to him.

There's no response, and he groans, leaning further back on the tree. He thought that trees could support his weight, but lord, was he wrong.

The tree eventually snaps and falls over, taking Youngjae down with it. He yelps, and they both fall with a loud thud and a weird silence following after.

The tree didn't fall on anything or anybody. It just fell in the grass. An unnecessarily loud groan leaves Youngjae's lips as he lays on the fallen tree, deciding if it’s worth it to sit back up.

“Fuck!”

Both North and South Korea probably heard him, maybe even all of Asia heard him, but he doesn't care anymore. Unfortunately, his ego's getting the best of him, and he's getting bigger again.

"I'm sorry I killed you, Deborah," he mumbles, "Please forgive me."

\---

Youngjae doesn't realize that he fell asleep until he feels a tiny thump thumping sensation on his foot. Something (or someone) is kicking him, and he jolts himself awake, leaning forward.

He rubs the eye boogers out of his eyes as his vision focuses on Himchan. He's staring up at him with a dumbass grin on his face.

"Afternoon!" he says.

"Hi--ow--ow--"

"I told you I'd come back!"

"I'm really happy you did--ow--I got worried that you wouldn't show up--ow--"

Himchan holds his arms out, waiting to be picked up, "You look different!"

Youngjae stretches his arms out before setting his hand onto the ground. Like before, Himchan walks on it, and Youngjae pulls it back towards his face.

"I said that you look different," Himchan repeats.

"I got bigger," Youngjae sighs, "And I fell on a tree."

"You got bigger?"

Youngjae nods, ashamed of himself.

"How do you know? Does it happen overnight, or?"

"It's like getting growing pains. I feel uncomfortable and tingly all over. I don't really know how to explain it."

"Oh. I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Youngjae chuckles sadly, "At this rate, I'll be bigger than the earth by the end of the year..."

"Then that means that you can get the aliens to notice you." 

"Wouldn't the aliens think I'm weird?"

"You're not weird. You're just really big."

Youngjae's face flushes a little because of the compliment (was it even a compliment?), "Wouldn't my head explode?"

Himchan shrugs, "I've never been to space. But anyway, tell me about your day. What'd you do?"

"Well, nothing. Like I said, I got bigger, I fell on a tree, and I took a nap."

"You live a very interesting life for a giant."

"I mean, I can't /do/ anything, really. I got really impatient waiting for you, I contemplated whether or not I should get up and look for you."

Himchan hums, "You missed me that much?"

"Uh, yeah," Youngjae nods, "I got uh, really clingy. I'm sorry."

"No, no, it's fine," Himchan gives him a reassuring smile.

"Are you sure it's not weird?"

"I'm sure."

Youngjae swings his head from side to side, like a little kid.

"How was your day?" He asks, "Better than mine, I hope?"

"You're an energetic little thing, aren't you?"

"I'm not little."

"Yeah, yeah," Himchan grins, "I didn't really do anything except work. Work is work."

Youngjae hums. There's this weird tingly feeling in his legs. It's kind of the same tingly feeling he feels when he's getting bigger, but it's different. 

"I feel weird," he says.

"Weird how?"

"I don't know. It's just in my legs."

"Hmm. Are you growing?"

"Nope," Youngjae shakes his head, "I don't know. It feels different."

"What if you get so big you explode?"

"That would be...disappointing. And I grow tall, not wide."

"But still...what if you're shrinking or something?"

"That's exciting. I wish I knew what that felt like so I wouldn't get all excited for nothing."

"You don't sound excited."

"Oh, I am," Youngjae grins a toothy grin, the first toothy grin in a long time, "I just don't want to get my hopes up."

Himchan smiles back, "Well, I hope all goes well for you, you little weirdo."

"I'm not little."

Minutes turn into hours and hours turn into days as Youngjae and Himchan talk about life and other things. Of course, Himchan goes back inside to sleep or eat.

Himchan brought out food one time to eat while they talked, and Youngjae claimed that he wasn't hungry until his stomach made the loudest noise and nearly gave Himchan a heart attack.

(He actually said that his soul left his body that day.)

"I don't...have anything to feed you with that could fill you up--"

"A giant chocolate bar."

"That's not a real thing, unfortunately."

"I'm pretty sure they exist."

"They're made of metal, and they're usually store signs. You don't want that."

Himchan managed to give him leftovers from lunch. When he went back inside to sleep for the night, Youngjae felt warm and happy inside. Not because of the food, he felt better than he did the first night that Himchan left him.

Days turn into weeks and weeks turn into months as Youngjae and Himchan talk about things like current events and ice cream flavors.

"Okay, but vanilla is the best ice cream flavor."

"That's so boring. You're boring."

"I don't really like sweets all that much. Cake is really good, though."

"Regular or ice cream cake?"

"They're both really good."

Himchan makes Youngjae laugh and smile, way more than any other human would. He'd compliment him sometimes and try to brush his bangs so he could see his face.

"Move your bangs so I can see your cute face."

"My...cute face?"

"You're cute. I think you are, at least."

"You're not saying that to fuel my ego, are you? I'll get bigger..."

"So be it."

Himchan isn't sure how to give affection to someone at least a hundred times bigger than he is, like kisses and hugs and things like that. He makes it work though, by squishing Youngjae's cheeks and wrapping his arms around his thumb.

Himchan fell asleep on his hand one time, and he panicked. He couldn't put him back in his apartment, and leaving him on his balcony would be kind of shitty, so he let him sleep in his hand until he woke up.

He used his finger to stroke Himchan's body as he slept. He steady rise and fall of his chest was soothing to him. He did drool on his hand and got mad, but Youngjae let it go.

Himchan looks cute when he first wakes up. His hair's a mess and he just looks cute overall. 

Himchan makes Youngjae really happy. He pays attention to him, he loves him, he gives him praise. Youngjae wanted to be praised, to be loved, to be paid attention to, and Himchan does just that.

The weird feeling in Youngjae's legs get more and more intense every time he thinks about Himchan. He doesn't mind it anymore. He just rubs his leg and continues the conversation.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Just my legs."

Himchan worries about him often and peeks out through his windows to make sure that he's still there and that he didn't get up and walk away (even though he'd probably know when that happens).

One morning, when Himchan peeked through his window, Youngjae was gone. Himchan panicked a little.

Where'd he go? If he got up and walked away, wouldn't he tell Himchan first? Also, wouldn't have Himchan felt him walk away?

Himchan quickly throws on some clothes, anything he can find, some shoes, and runs outside as fast as he can.

"Youngjae!" He calls out his name several times, and doesn't get a response.

Instead of where Youngjae usually sits, there's a huge pile of his clothes, just laying there. Himchan hesitates to investigate further.

Slowly, he walks over to the clothes pile. There's something squirming underneath the sweater, and he pulls back. What if it's a really big mutant bug or something? He cringes at the thought.

He takes a deep breath before lifting the sweater up and peeking to see what's underneath. A small gasp leaves his lips as he moves the sweater over to the side.

Youngjae, way smaller than he was the night before, is fast asleep under the sweater with a peaceful expression on his face.

Himchan would think that he would gradually get smaller and smaller like how he gradually got bigger and bigger, but it hit him all at once.

He had complained the night before that he wasn't feeling well, and Himchan was more than happy to give him his space and turned in for the night.

Himchan watches him carefully, running his fingers through his hair. Eventually, Youngjae flinches, and his eyes flutter open.

"Good morning," Himchan says with a smile.

"Good...morning," Youngjae says, "Did you get bigger...?"

Himchan chuckles and shakes his head, "You got smaller."

It takes Youngjae a little bit to process what Himchan just said.

"Smaller...?"

"Uh-huh."

"You're not fucking with me, are you?"

Himchan holds out his hand, "See for yourself."

Youngjae's hand is shaking when he reaches out to grab Himchan's hand and pulls himself up. When he stands to his feet, he's able to look Himchan in the eye and not have to hold out his hand anymore for him to stand on.

"You're naked," Himchan comments, a blush painted across his cheeks.

Youngjae ignores him. He's tearing up and his whole body's shaking. He's so happy, he can't express it.

"Thank you," he whispers, wiping the tears from his eyes, "Thank you so much."

"It's okay to cry now," Himchan says, holding his arms out for Youngjae to hug him.

Youngjae manages to crack a smile before squeezing Himchan tightly. He's crying, he's trying to speak, he's holding Himchan, he's doing so much all at once.

"I like you a lot," his voice cracks, "I wanted to tell you that for months, but it would be weird if we dated because I was so big and you were so little."

"You're small again," Himchan hums, running his fingers through Youngjae's messy hair again.

"I am. So that's why I'm telling you this now. I love you so much."

"You're a dork," Himchan chuckles as he releases Youngjae from his hug, "I'll take you back inside before you get arrested for public indecency."

Youngjae laughs back at the joke as he wipes his tears away. His footing back to the apartment is awkward because he has to get used to not walking on the heels of his feet now.

Himchan guides him to his bedroom and pulls out a t-shirt for him to wear for the time being. It's huge on him, considering that Youngjae's smaller than him now.

Himchan sits on the bed next to him, holding his hand and rubbing over it with his thumb.

"Are you okay now?" 

"I'm fine," Youngjae sniffles, "I couldn't be better, honestly."

"You're not gonna pass out on me, are you?"

"N-no. I don't think so. I'm just really happy."

"Good," Himchan clears his throat after a short silence, "I like you too."

Youngjae shifts to face him, "Huh?"

"I uh, like you too. It recently developed within the last month, but I like you too."

"Really?"

Himchan nods.

"Okay...so it wouldn't be weird if I did something like this?" He reaches his hands out to pull Himchan into a kiss, but he's so awkward and hesitant with it.

"You're so weird," Himchan's voice is low when he decides that it's best that he takes control. He wraps his arms around Youngjae's waist to pull him closer and press his lips on his.

Youngjae gasps into the kiss and tilts his head to the side when Himchan slips his tongue in. He's awkward at first, but after a little while, he melts.

Himchan pulls back, "There."

Youngjae looks like he's about to cry again, "I don't know what to say, I really don't. I can't thank you enough, like, you literally saved me and stuff, like...what the fuck. I'm so happy, I could just--"

"Scream? You know?"

Youngjae nods eagerly.

"Go ahead," Himchan says with a grin, "Just make sure the neighbors don't think that I'm killing you--"

Himchan's words are cut off by Youngjae's high pitched shriek. He's so happy, he can't do anything except scream.

"Thank you for making me go deaf."

"You said that I could, asshole."

It'll be hard for Youngjae to slip back into being ~normal~ after abruptly shrinking back to his usual height, but he has Himchan with him to help him out.

He wanted to be loved and praised, way more than the other guy, and he'll be given all the love and praise that he wanted for so long.

**Author's Note:**

> "this is the weirdest thing i've ever read. but i like it" - my mutual when i sent the rough draft to them
> 
> i rlly wanted to write about himjae and i asked my mutuals who had the biggest ego in bap and they all said youngjae, so here you go. i wrote this within a time span of like 7 hours and i stopped writing this daejae thing (which will be uploaded within the next hour or so :^3)
> 
> based off "hate it! hate it! huge ego!" by kurage-p ^__^


End file.
